I grew up Catholic, homeschooled, and with eight siblings. Translation? We were immediately inducted into the “giant grey van club,” where appetites, stress levels, and scream volumes were in constant competition with each other… and all of our neighbors hated us. 

Everyone always says my parents are saints for having raised such a big family. And I guess there is some truth to that. Raising all of us was like running a soup kitchen, one you didn’t sign up to manage. You keep dishing out meals to keep the little leeches from rioting… but you have no idea who half of them are.

Everyone wonders if parents have favorite kids. My siblings and I always thought we had it figured out (I was the tattletale, so I figured I was a shoo-in). 

My parents did, in fact, have their favorite kids… not any kids in our family, but hey: even parents can dream. (I did find it odd when they started accidentally calling me Charlie, as there was no Charlie in our family… It was probably some kid who could cook.)

Being in a big, homeschool family is like the ultimate life boot camp. I learned some important skills, including (but not limited to):

• How to fake clean for a chance to be entered into a raffle for a cookie
• How to eat as fast as you can before your brother spits in your soup
• How to distinguish between a real booger and a fake booger (and recognize that the latter is far more rare)

I also learned some important lessons, including (but not limited to):

1. Even though we never rode one, always be prepared to be thrown under the bus.
2. You’re never going to get the last roll without a fight.
3. Being called by the wrong name is a great opportunity to reinvent your entire personality.

So all in all, I’d say my parents did pretty well by us, and I think it’s made me a good person. Like I tip wait staff very well when they don’t spit in my food.

For more of my completely accurate big-family insights, check out my latest video below. Watch it here… or don’t. And remember to like, subscribe, and share it with anyone who knows the chaos of a big family… or don’t.

Share Your Story!

Did you survive a big family, or do you believe your childhood makes mine look like an English tea party? Drop your stories in the comments below – whether you were the snitch, the favorite, or the kid who shoved a Lego in a black hole that no scientist has any desire to explore. 

If you had a normal childhood… Well, ya learned something today. 

This is a therapeutic exercise assigned by ChatGPT.